By Christina Gray
In more than a decade of hosting grief support groups at St. Dominic parish, Deacon Chuck McNeil has met mothers, fathers, sons and daughters, and friends suffering privately from the death of a loved one by suicide. Their grief was clearly different than those in his general grief support groups, most of whom have lost someone to illness or old age.
September is National Suicide Prevention Month, and in a pastoral outreach to the people left behind after a suicide, Deacon McNeil has organized an “Out of the Darkness” interfaith prayer service at St. Dominic parish on Monday, Sept. 15, at 7:00 p.m. in the church’s Lady Chapel.
Deacon McNeil began meeting with suicide-loss survivors in a separate parish group once a month four years ago for one reason: there was a clear need.
“All of a sudden in one week, six people called me,” he said. “I said, ok, come in; let’s talk.”
He didn’t have any formal training or knowledge in the area of suicide and was hesitant that “he wouldn’t know how to do it.” But his pastoral instinct to support a group of people suffering in silence, shame and shock guided him, as did the Old Testament, the Catechism of the Catholic Church, and books and research on mental illness and suicide.
In the group, survivors shared the stories of their unimaginable losses and prayed together seeking hope and promise in Scripture and in each other.
According to an April 2025 report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the United States. In 2023, nearly 50,000 Americans died by suicide. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 10 and 34, and the fourth leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 35 and 44. In 2023, suicide rates were highest among adults 85 years and older, followed by those 75 to 84.
The California Conference of Catholic Bishops has spoken out about the importance of pastoral care for those who have been touched by a death by suicide. In the bishops’ 2018 pastoral letter on mental illness, “Hope and Healing,” the bishops directly addressed the pastoral care of suicide survivors.
“Those who lose a loved one to suicide need particular care and attention,” they wrote. “They have not only lost someone dear to them, but their grief is also often complicated by feelings of shame, anger and guilt. We must convey to them that we are not afraid to open this difficult discussion, that they need not feel they must walk the long journey alone.”
“When I saw this statement, I said this is so true for all death, but particularly true for suicide survivors,” said Deacon McNeil. “It’s a long recovery for survivors. For a lot of them, it will be the rest of their lives.”
For more information about the prayer service and suicide grief support groups at St. Dominic, visit https://stdominics.org/out-of-the-darkness-suicide-grief-support-service,
